Gnat! (gnat23) wrote,

Goals and Resolutions

Me? I love resolutions. I love stupid long term goals, even if it something like "laugh at the kitties every day" or "fix my credit". I don't beat myself up if I don't make it, and Jan 1st is just convenient as a time to reset everything.

For 2014:
- Worship the awesome women in my life
I had all the best intentions with this, and then my derby wife basically “dumped” me. There were weeks without contact and then suddenly a barrage of emails with things that just didn’t make any sense to me about what was going on. The more I asked for honesty, the stranger the relationship became. So I finally walked away from it, and we haven’t talked since. I can’t believe that a friendship that seemed that close was suddenly ripped away from me like a bad breakup, but I didn’t have the energy after that to go make friends again.

I feel like my mom and I are drifting farther apart these days too. I know she wants me to have a baby more than anything, and since I can’t, there’s not much to talk about these days as our lives are so different now.

- Read more amazing page-turning fiction
Success! I made it through the MaddAddam trilogy, the Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet, Special Topics in Calamity Physics, and The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed out the Window and Disappeared. I still do read a hell of a lot of non-fiction tho wow.

- Savor and be grateful
I definitely savor. I have no hesitation to see the world I live in as a very sensuous place. I eat amazing food, indulge in crazy good beer and whiskey, put the top down on the car and blast great music as I smell the air around me. I love taking walking mediations, and I adore how my body responds to exercise.

Being purposefully grateful was an interesting challenge tho. I tried in November to list something every day, and I got caught up with getting stuck because I wanted it to be RIGHT, to be MEANINGFUL enough. I wanted to save the GOOD ONES for later. Coincidentally, I also was having a very frustrating month on the trying-to-get-preggers front, so that was probably the absolute worst timing to think about how good I really had it. I almost made it through the month ,but abandoned rather than continue my four-days of reluctant catchup at a time. So: needs work.

- Work with my body instead of getting angry at it
Success! I am learning to recognize what could trigger this anger and am learning to avoid and counteract it. I’m feeling much better about what I can do, and this makes me feel strong and able. I treat this body well instead of punishing it. There has been a lot of work on deep-down values and goals that helps, a lot of navel-gazing to interpret, but I think I’m nearly there on The Big Stuff.

- Opt for experiences over material things
Success! Topher now gets me reservations and tickets as my main gifts (Cirque du Soleil! Two nights in the Human Nest!) and my dad and i now trade Groupons, food, and gift certificates for experiences. My mom had an interesting interpretation of “renewable gifts” and got me a bunch of solar-powered stuff, heh.

It’s been interesting tho, since I’ve been doing all this experimentation on my hormones: I can tell when my profile is completely out of whack, because all I want to do is shop. When the trial-and-error with has gone poorly, I end up with two pairs of new shoes and 10 boxes from Amazon show up on the doorstep.

- And -- what the hell -- nail that 200lb deadlift
Success, in fact, due to the pre-coffee mental math, I accidentally lifted 225lb.

So one day in the gym it was really hot, I was deadlifting 190, and since I had no chalk or straps, I started to feel one hand start to slip from the bar. The smart thing would have been to just let go and take the scolding about dropping the weights. Instead, my instinct let me “catch” that side, and that was just enough to tweak the right side of my back for almost a month. Let that be a lesson to you kids. Anyway, it really made me think about outcome goals (i.e., lift a certain number) vs. process goals (get to the gym and lift three days a week), something I’m still chewing on.

Continuing with the theme that it's useless for me to set resolutions like "Drop 20 pounds", here's what's on the plate for 2015:
- Feel as good as I look
- Look as good as I feel
- Focus on producing rather than consuming
- Be the kind of person who has an advanced degree
- Don't start a thing unless I'm willing to see it through

And I think the theme song for my year shall be Fluke’s “Atom Bomb”

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